Crow

After six weeks of yoga nearly every day (after the 30 days, I skipped exactly two) I was finally able to lift both feet off the ground in Crow pose in a controlled, non-jumpy and non-topple-over manner. It. Felt. Great. And it was suddenly easy. Handstands, here I come!

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 30!

Well. There's that, then.

30 days on a yoga mat has taught me a thing or two about patience and acceptance. I'm not the same girl who was once mistaken for a Cirque du Soleil performer by a Cirque du Soleil performer. I don't teach 10 dance classes a week anymore. I eat what I like, when I like. I refuse to attempt to strong-arm my body into the exact proportions and shape it once was. I like it too much; it's what keeps me wandering this planet and it's what keeps me dancing.

Tonight I dedicated my practice to my dear friend Lou: a woman who has demonstrated more strength, grace, flexibility and humor than can be found in any yoga class, anywhere. I love you, Lou. If I could do on a mat what you do in your day-to-day world, I'd be the most sought-after yogini this side of India.

Here's what happened over the last 30 days:

• My leg bones feel longer
• I can dance more expressively; there's more strength to play with
• I sleep much better 
• My mood is generally brighter
• I do laundry way more often (I have worn the same three tops all month)
• I'm more flexible physically. Emotionally, we'll just have to see.

Will I keep going? Yes. My unlimited month doesn't run out for another week, after all. I'll probably take a day off here and there, though. 

Thanks for keeping up with me here. I've received a ton of encouragement from a lot of people, and I really appreciate it. Believe me, if I can do something for 30 days, so can you, and I think you should give it a go. It's a worthwhile trip.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 28

OMG, OMG, only two more days!

Right now, the plan is to take the 6:15 pm class on Thursday at Core Power North Boulder. If you'd like to join me, please do! Maybe we can grab some noodle soup after.

Gratuitous pho.

So, my hair withstood today's class, though I fear that it was still off gassing the dye from yesterday. I withstood today's class too, and for the first time ever was able to hop my feet from downward-facing dog to the front of my mat. I almost pitched forward into the mirror, but that's okay. Everyone was too busy admiring my hair to notice. That's the good news. The bad (or hopefully not) news is that I seem to have strained my right glute somehow. Hopefully a little couch time (like, an hour) will fix that right up.

What happened: I spent too much of the class wondering why the lady next to me wasn't sweating. The room thermometer read 99 degrees.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 26

One of the things I really like about this project is that I've reconnected with a number of people who go to the same studio, and whom I haven't seen in years. Today my friend Nancy practiced beside me. She lives about three blocks away from my house, but circumstances like kids and jobs have kept us from seeing each other in about four years. Nancy's great, and she can do a killer side crow.

In a previous post, I wrote about how shivasana is one of the most challenging poses in yoga for me. Today's class was packed (you'll have that in this town at 8 on a Sunday morning) and really hard. I'm not one to push myself right to my edge physically because that's how I wind up on the couch begging my friends for Percocet. And I certainly did not push myself today. I backed off of a number of poses because I felt shaky and my muscles started hurting. When it was time for shivasana, I was relieved. As I lay there, the teacher talked us through. He walked over to me and picked up one of my feet, placed it down, and did the same for my other foot, both arms, and my head. It was absolutely sublime. With my body really connected to the earth thanks to his manipulations, I finally understood that shivasana works.

Kinda like this but without the blue jumpsuit.

 What happened: a little heart opening, a few tears. Yum.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 25

Building on the universe's wobbly theme yesterday, this morning's class was full of bound standing poses. Which I could do, for the most part, though I could not fully bind and I did wobble quite a bit. But more important than that is that I loved them!  For whatever reason, I find one-legged poses...flying, standing, bending...really peaceful and relaxing.  I am, however, a bit dizzy from the heat still.

This is one of my favorites.

And like my very wise friend Margo says, "Wobbling is always a step toward more balance. Wobble on!"

What happened: I will be able to bind someday or I won't, and it does not matter one bit.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 24

Today was the apex of my crazy schedule this week, with my parents' arrival in Boulder for a quick weekend trip. It wasn't easy to find the hour to get to a class today, but I did. It was completely packed, really hot, and the most physically challenging experience I've had so far. Which wasn't the fault of the instructor at all, though the poses weren't a cakewalk. 

I love balance poses, like dancer, eagle, flying eagle, half moon, and especially tree. I find them extremely relaxing and usually feel like I can stay in them indefinitely. But today I was totally wobbly. My legs did not feel like my own in the balances leading up to tree. Funny, though, once I got into tree, I rooted down and settled down almost immediately.

Oh, and for whatever reason, camel is no longer a problem. At least today. We'll see about tomorrow.

What happened: I learned that being right next to the door means a blast of cool air every 20 minutes or so. Is that cheating?

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 22

Today was a hectic day, and though I got back to Boulder in plenty of time to make it to the studio, I decided instead to stay home and do yoga with Ginger. She does a perfect three-legged dog pose.

A few days ago, I signed up for a free week of yoga online. The class I chose tonight wasn't great, and I wound up spending most of the time wondering how to get dog hair off a sticky mat. In fact, I bailed on the class after 30 minutes. I just wasn't feeling it. I know that if I'd been at the studio, I never would have left a class. I feel like I took the easy way out, but that's pretty much okay.

Ginger feels bad about depositing fur on my yoga mat.

I did give Camel a try because I was curious about whether I'd have a hard time of it alone. Turns out I like it just fine when I'm doing yoga with my dog. No dizziness, no discomfort, it feels pretty good. Like my grandma says, go know.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 21

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

This evening's yoga experience was a towel-wringer. I was very happy to go, most especially because I got to horn in on date night for my pals Josie and John. And by horn in I mean threaten to put my mat between theirs. 

The class was challenging, and I was able to keep up. It felt great. In fact, I managed to get both feet off the ground in Crow, even if it was only for a tiny moment. 

What happened: I got sweat (mine) UP MY NOSE.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 20

2/3 complete, my friends. It's hard to believe I've done anything at all for 20 days in a row. I do not have what you would call staying power, typically. I'm a great starter, as I discussed with a pal last weekend, but I lack the wherewithal to follow through. I am feeling optimistic. However, I have a tradeshow this week, and then my parents are coming to visit this weekend, so scheduling will become even more of a challenge. And, mom, my house might not be as clean as I'd like it to be for you. Sorry in advance.

Anyway, today I again met with my resistance to camel pose. 

heh heh

It's a heart-opener, and it's really not that challenging. At least, it didn't used to be for me. But now every time I stand on my knees and start to bend backwards, I get queasy and dizzy. I sweat. I feel panicky. I'm not sure if this is because I'm exposing my belly and heart, or if it's because I'm afraid my noggin is going to fall off the end of my neck. Both of these are valid theories. I would welcome any others, as well as any advice (except for, you know, don't do that.)  

What happened: The bod says no to forearm stands as well.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 19

It's Sunday evening. I had every reason to stay in bed this morning, which means that I didn't get to the early class. So it's the last class of the day for me -- restorative, or Yin -- which is probably a very good thing.

Not exactly like this, though.

I have had an extremely short fuse lately. I don't know whether it's the result of all the yoga releasing an avalanche of toxins (physical and emotional) into my system, or whether the heat and intensity are riling me up instead of calming me down.  But then on the plus side, I was able to easily perform the gymnastics required to crawl under my house to change the furnace filter.

This Yin class was exactly what I needed. It's done entirely on the floor. No effort, all ease. I am calmer, just in time for Mad Men.

What happened:  I fell asleep in supta-something-something-something.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 17

My friends,

Today, circumstances (including questionable eating habits yesterday) conspired against me getting to the yoga studio for a class. Instead, I signed up for a free week of yoga on demand and streamed a 30-minute restorative class, which is all I felt I could manage.


I am now supremely relaxed and not a little sleepy.


What happened: I'm listening to my body when it says, "Hell no."

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 15

First, for Haiku Ambulance:

Last night was a long night at a work-related event. And today was a long morning at another work-related event. I find that the most challenging thing about this experiment so far has been trying to fit classes into my schedule without justifiably pissing off my business partners. So far, so good. At least I haven't heard otherwise.

Today I went to a level 1.5 class because it was all that fit into my schedule, and I thought that it would be good to lower the intensity for a bit. Turns out the class was slower, but more intense because of its slowness. And thankfully, no 80s music. Now I'm off to dance after a quick snack. I'm tired just thinking about me.

What happened: Sudden realization: Sometimes, I move through events in my life quickly so that I won't have to fully feel the hard stuff. This is an extrapolation based upon the insight that I prefer level 2 classes because they're faster so I don't have to feel the discomfort in the poses as I move through them.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 14

It was cold and rainy and dark this morning, and it took everything I had to leave my house and my dog for the yoga studio. Honestly, if I weren't blogging about this every day, I would have skipped it. I would have given up. But for some reason, I feel accountable now. At least to my mom.

I was frustrated in class today. Tired, very low on energy, and I had a hard time following the instructor's flow. As much as I don't want this to be about reviewing instructors, I have to say at least that I really don't want to hear Michael Jackson in yoga. I just don't.

Last night I had a dream I haven't had in a really long time. I was getting ready to teach a dance class and had forgotten my music. It was in my garage, all dusty, and I didn't have time to go get it. The class I was about to teach was composed of people tucked into beds, all cozy. The studio owner told me that there would be a few hours before I had to plug in because there were other events before mine. 

What happened: I'm glad I went. It was a good opportunity to practice acceptance.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 13

Hello, Denmark!

It's super cool that a number of people (besides my mom; hi, mom!) are following my experiences here. I can figure out who's coming from where from the most part, but Denmark has me stumped. So whoever you are, Hej der! 

On to day 13....
"I assure you that among the many gifts your presence brings to humanity, your ability to do a headstand is not at the top of the list," --Matt the yoga instructor

No shit.

Almost 10 years ago, I had three vertebrae in my cervical spine fused together with the femur from a cadaver. Gruesome and painful, yes. But also incredibly successful, which I credit to myself and my doctor in equal parts. I did absolutely everything he told me to do. And when he removed the neck brace I wore 24/7 for six weeks, he told me I could do absolutely anything I wanted to save for three things: bungee jump, skydive, and stand on my head. Check. Check. Check.

The experience I had in class today was exceptional. It was hard to keep up, and I was schvitzing like nobody's business, but I left feeling really, really clear-headed, calm, and hungry. I do not care that I cannot stand on my head. And I don't think I ever will. 

What happened: I got one toe off the ground in Crow. Progress!

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 12

Hi there.

Noon on Saturday at a hot yoga class in Boulder is not where you should go if you get all territorial about sweaty strangers touching your mat. This class was packed. A little too packed for me, and a lot of talk about community courtesy of the instructor.

But for all the good things she had to say about the benefits of community, there seemed to be little of it. I tried making eye contact with the people around me: no go. A little chitchat in the locker room. Nope. It's not that I felt shut out by a community I'm just joining; it's more that every person seemed very much a silo. I know that there's community in breathing together. Sometimes that's all I want too.

So here's something I don't understand. Maybe someone reading this can help me out. Every single time I go to a class, I use the bathroom just prior to setting up my mat. And every single time I go to class, I have to pee again after the first standing backbend. What's up with that? I tough it out, but flying eagle is really hard with a full bladder.

What happened: The classes are starting to seem very short.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 11

You would think that the 8 a.m. Saturday yoga class wouldn't be packed. Or, I would think that. It was mat-to-mat in there this morning, at a level 2 class. I came on the late side, which is to say that I came 5 minutes before class started instead of 15, so the only space available was right next to the ballet bars on the wall. Yes, I hit my head on them.

I really liked the guy who taught this class. That is, I really liked the way he taught it. When I was training to lead movement classes, I learned that the best way to connect with your students is to feel what's happening in your own body and then articulate it in the form of an instruction. That's what this teacher seemed to do, and it really worked for me. I left the class feeling clear-headed, bright-eyed and shiny. What a relief.

What happened: I'm feeling some satisfaction. Yeah.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 10

Lest you think I am completely new to yoga, I'll tell you that 1) They don't let you move to Boulder if that's the case, and 2) I've been doing yoga on and off (mostly off) for about 15 years. I even brought weekly classes to two companies I worked for with pretty good success. 

heavymetalyoga.org/

I started with Hatha, then moved on to Iyengar (some serious shit) and then Anusara. The spiritual aspect of any form of body-centered practice can be really wonderful. Personally, I find movement practices that are off the mat, include interaction with others, and that are facilitated, like Body Mantra and Soul Motion, more spiritually accessible. So I don't have expectations that yoga will transform my spiritual life. That having been said, I am totally open to it.

It certainly didn't happen tonight. Which was sort of unremarkable except for the fact that my friend Joy joined me! Joy was kind enough to donate her mat cover to my cause the other day, and she put up with the nerve-jangling music and the hot, humid, and smelly room this evening. Bless her.

What happened: After 10 days, I'm kind of bored. Is it that I have a short attention span? That I'm not connecting with the teachers? That I don't like to hear metal while I'm in dancer pose? I have only 20 more days to find out.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 9

Last night, I went to a Body Mantra movement class, like I do every Wednesday evening. I have to say, my movement was much bigger and felt much more solid, even on one foot. Am I building strength? I think so. 

Today, I woke up at 5:30 and almost went to a level 2 class, but thought better of it after I considered my history of overdoing stuff and injuring myself. Instead, I went to a slower class. I'd like to say that I floated out of the building with that yoga-y, dewy-eyed bliss. But that would be a lie. I left feeling vaguely unsatisfied. I don't blame the teacher, though having been a movement teacher I certainly feel like I could. I'm thinking a great dinner with my fella and a good night's sleep will do the trick.

What happened: I wanted more.

30 consecutive days of yoga, day 8

In an effort to build discipline, which I sorely lack, I decided I'm going to post here daily instead of weekly. 

Today's class: Hot Power Fusion. I was really looking forward to getting all sweaty and slide-y this morning, and I certainly did. My expectation was that it would be a power flow class, where you kind of do yoga calisthenics for an hour. Imagine my surprise when the instructor led us through a series of balance poses instead. Tree, one-legged tree, eagle, flying eagle, dancer, etc., etc. I was still adequately slippery, no question about it. But I kept wishing it were different. Yeah, I know, what's the point in that, right? I am clearly no yogi yet.


What happened: I realized that regardless of whether a class met my expectations, I'm still glad I went.

30 consecutive days of yoga, week 1

in which I subject myself to smelly rooms full of Boulder yoga people in order to simply see what happens.

Day 1: Wednesday, September 29
My friend Josie has been going to Corepower Yoga in North Boulder for some time now. She loves it, and she's been on my case to go with her for months. I always felt that Corepower was kind of the fast food of yoga: lots of food without any nutrition. Of course, I formed that opinion without actually ever going. So I took my snobby self to a class with Josie. First impression: the room smells like sweaty manparts. Second impression: there are no men in the class. It was a level 1 class, so I thought it would be easy. But because I've been on the bench, essentially, since the end of March, it hurt. A lot. 
What happened: I patted myself on the back for taking care of myself.


Day 2: Thursday, September 30
The room still smells weird. Why do all these people bring towels? Why are my arms shaking in high plank? What's with the situps in the middle of class? Who are these people who can go to yoga in the middle of the day, anyway? Don't any of you people work? 
What happened: I said hi to my inner judgmental bitch.

Day 3: Friday, October 1
Okay, the other studio room doesn't smell nearly as bad. And I like this instructor; he's also nice to look at. My arms aren't shaking as much, but put me in triangle pose and I want to throw up. 
What happened: I resolved to get stronger.


Day 4: Saturday, October 2
Dim sum for brunch. Lots of it. Which you would think would preclude the Hot Power Fusion class. But no. I figure if I have to run out of class, fine, I'll just position myself close to the door. Which I do. Everyone in class has a piece of fabric that they cover their mat with, and then spray with water. I do not. And oops about that, because I'm sliding all over the place, starting in downward dog and winding up slipping into high plank. I am dripping with sweat. But I can go deeper into the poses, and my mind has stopped spinning thanks to the fact that unless I pay close attention to the instructor, I look like a complete asshole.

You know that's not me because I'm not blond.

What happened: I started pricing those mat cover thingies online. They're expensive!


Day 5: Sunday, October 3
I go to yoga instead of going to dance class: a first. It's a level 1 class taught by a much-beloved charming gay instructor guy. I can see why people adore him. He proposes radical acceptance of limitations.
What happened: I wished I had more gay male buddies.


Day 6: Monday, October 4
First evening class. It's a 1.5, which is the stepping stone to level 2. My pal Heidi is teaching; I haven't seen her in a few years, so her first question is, "How's your husband?" I tell her I'm divorced and get the collective, "ooooohh" from the group of teachers assembled behind the check-in desk. Announcing this news with the requisite "Yeah, that was fast," comment has gotten really old.  And I can see that day classes are more my speed; evening classes are larger, and there are more Boulder type A athletes in them, doing something called "flipping their dogs." I showed up not feeling great, with an upset tummy and speeding thoughts. After class, I do feel great. I also feel calm.

This is not me either.

What happened: I was able to get my knees up to my armpits so that eventually I can do a full Crow.


Day 7: Tuesday, October 5
Today's class: yin yoga. Supported opening poses with no muscle engagement, which sounded divine. Turns out this class was the most challenging so far in that there was no external force, like a teacher announcing the eighth chaturanga, to make my mind shut the hell up. Buzz buzz buzz. Also, note to yoga teachers, if you're going to spray me in the face with lavender water, please give me some warning. Otherwise, not so relaxing to get spritzed.
What happened: Time passed.


On to week two. Namaste.