But here I am, the clock ticking toward 40, and I'm thinking: I wish I would have been a professional dancer. Being backstage with dozens of other amateur dancers is one thing. Being backstage with dozens of other amateur dancers and two Real Dancers is quite another.
Real Dancers get their own dressing room. Their postmodern tutus are carefully arranged on the pipe that serves as a hanger. The light bulbs surrounding their mirror are all in operational order. Their makeup boxes are exactly where they left them. Real Dancers warm up in costume in the common area with the rest of us. But Real Dancers aren't about to throw up because they're so nervous. They look, instead, like they've been meditating for a few hours. And they wear Real Ballet Shoes, which they have to periodically and loudly grind into a box of chalk while the rest of us are trying to simply keep breakfast down.
For your reference, here is a photo of a Real Dancer and Robert Sher-Macherndl, who is the choreographer for the Lemon Sponge Cake Contemporary Ballet:
During dress rehearsal last week, I was standing in the very small wing, crammed shoulder-to-shoulder with the other folks in this performance, when someone came up behind me. She was tall, thin, with an amazing haircut, full stage makeup, and the most fierce pair of Chanel boots I have ever seen, both in print and in real life. These are the shoes dreams are made of. Knee high, black patent leather, side zip, with interlocking C's on the toes. I have searched in vain on the Internet to find photos of these shoes, but looking at Chanel couture for three hours just depressed me. And then I was late on a deadline.
Anyway, what struck me most about Ms. Fierce Boots Dancer is that I AM NOT HER. Yeah, I know, I am who I am, and that's great, and I'm amazing, and look what I'm doing with my life, and I got up on stage, and I stand up for what I believe in. Et cetera.
But for one moment let's just all admit that there are people whose lives we wish we had. Or could at least try out. Here is my list:
- Dancer (who gets paid for it, and not with dollar bills)
- NYT columnist
- Archaeologist
- MD
- Rock star
- Fashion icon
I watched Fierce Boots perform today, and she's incredible. She took the choreography given to us dilettantes and turned it into madcrazy art. Punk rock ballet. Breathtaking. Turns out she's being filmed for MTV's Made. Turns out she's a principal dancer with the ABT.
I have come to a conclusion: the only reason I can't find photos of those boots is that they are imposters, for sale at your neighborhood nail salon. I'll see you there.
