Reminder

Forgiveness

Over the past few years, I've been presented with several big opportunities to forgive. Some people have asked for my forgiveness; others have not. But whether anyone is invested in obtaining it doesn't really matter. Because I can't seem to figure out exactly what forgiveness is.

About a week ago, I was pulling out of a parking lot and nearly collided with a woman who was walking on the sidewalk. Totally and completely my fault, no question. She was irate. I apologized profusely and said, "Please forgive me." She clearly didn't. Now I wonder what exactly it was I wanted from her. I think it's this: I wanted her to not think that I'm an asshole. 

So is that what forgiveness is?

I've asked a couple of people their take on it, and no one can really tell me what it means or how it changes how one feels. The dictionary definition is this:

1: to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.

2: to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).

3: to grant pardon to (a person).

4: to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one's enemies.

5: to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan

I'm kind of focused on #4, to cease to feel resentment against. And I notice that I can't make myself cease to feel resentment. Is this a character flaw? I'm not sure.

A month ago, I had dinner with a dear friend of mine who also happens to be a rabbi on the east coast. We were talking about my previous marriage. "Warren," I said, "I just can't seem to forgive him. I think I should. I think I want to, for me, but I can't." Warren looked across the table from me, put on his invisible magic Rabbi coat, and said, "You don't have to forgive him. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness. You just have to forgive yourself."

Hm.

To cease to feel resentment against myself. 

Resent:

–verb (used with object)

to feel or show displeasure or indignation at (a person, act, remark, etc.) from a sense of injury or insult.

Okay, I'm deciding to go with the dictionary definitions of both of these terms. According to those, I forgive myself. I forgive the lady who smacked my ass in dance class, because I don't feel resentment toward her. But these other folks? I just don't. And that's going to have to be okay.

Stellar

So there I was in dance class, in a deep deep forward bend with my eyes closed, when this 70-year-old French lady I've never seen before smacks me HARD on the right asscheek and then dances away as fast as she can.

She left before I could let her know that was not okay. At all. 

P.S. I tried to find an image for this post. You can imagine. So here's a unicorn:

Update: I spoke to Urja the French psychic who smacked me, and she swears it was an accident. She said, "I waz dannsing zo fast, I must ave brush agains yew." With an open hand. On my ass. Really hard.

Yom Kippur

I was walking the dog this afternoon, and there were two men walking behind me. They were wearing white, no belts, tennis shoes. Skullcaps.

While Ginger was in the drink splashing around, I said to them, "Gut yontiff," which is Yiddish for "happy holidays." They looked surprised, said, "Thanks," and kept walking.

Ginger and I wound up lapping them, and one turned to me and asked, "Are you Jewish?" I said yes, and he asked, "Do you have a shul today?" 

"No, I have my dog today. God is everywhere, right?"

"Yes. Well, gut yontiff to you." Smiles.

Now I almost wish, in the bittersweet way I do every year, that I had spent the day in shul.

Is it too much to ask?

I would like a nightgown that does not look like this:

Or make me do this:

Or this:

On second thought, that looks kind of fun.

Thank you.

Today

There have been better days indeed.

Truth in advertising

This ad ran in Women's Day magazine:

I took their advice, but it didn't work. So I sent an email to the advertiser:



And hey, they responded:


I think about the creation of this ad. It's the result of someone's strategy. I think about the strategist, who may have said something like this:

"Women want more money. And if they have more money, they'll buy more douches, especially if they think it's the douching that got them the money in the first place. But they can't make more money unless they ask for raises, because they're chronically underpaid. So let's make them think that they got a raise because they've used our product, and they'll continue to use our product because they'll think it bumps up their bank balance. Oh, how we'll outsmart those silly ladies!"

Well played, Summer's Eve. Well played.